For your first toy, keep it nice and simple. A small Vibrator such as a bullet or a compact wand is a safe first choice for most vulva owners. If you have a penis, a simple masturbator or cock ring is a fine starting point. Choose something in a size that is not immediately intimidating. If you buy a vibrator or other electronic sex toy, get one with adjustable positions and preferably rechargeable via USB. Don't start with the biggest Dildo or the most intense clitoral stimulator, because then your toy is most likely to disappear into a drawer. A budget of around 30 to 60 euros will go a long way in discovering what you really like.

The biggest categories are vibrators (internal, external or both), dildos for penetration without vibration, clitoral stimulators that work with air pressure or suction, masturbators and penile vibrators for the penis, butt plugs and anal toys, prostate stimulators and cock rings. You also have couples toys, BDSM toys, fuck machines, sex dolls and toys you can control remotely via an app. Which one suits you depends on what your body likes and whether you play solo or together. On our category pages you will find extensive reviews for each type.

Between 30 and 80 euros you will find solid entry-level toys from well-known quality brands. For 80 to 150 euros you get into the mid-segment with stronger motors, better batteries and more luxuriously finished silicone. Above 150 euros you pay for design, app controls or a specific specialty such as air pressure. Under 20 euros is always beware. There are often porous materials and weak motors among them. Cheap is usually expensive in this category, because a toy you put in a drawer and never use again will actually always cost you money.

The major differences are in material, motor (if the toy has one), battery and finish. Premium toys are often, but not always, better quality and last longer. They are usually made of 100% medical grade silicone, glass or stainless steel, and have a neatly processed seam. Cheaper toys are more often made of TPE or mixtures of materials, with a rougher finish. For internal use, the latter are not bodysafe; however, for external use on people with a penis, such as in a masturbator, TPE is a common material. If the toy has a motor, then in the higher price range it is more often rumbly with a good rechargeable battery; in cheaper toys you will more often see buzzy motors or separate batteries, although this is not a set rule.

Bodies differ, so you can never be 100% sure. What helps: read reviews of people with similar preferences, look at the dimensions (insertion length, diameter, curvature) and check if the stimulation you like matches what the toy does. For clitoral stimulation, it matters whether you like intense or subtle. For internal stimulation, curvature and firmness are often decisive. With us you will find the exact specs and our personal experience for each review, so you can make a good estimate.

Open and clear communication is important here: for you, your partner and your relationship. Don't make it a heavy conversation with candles and a power point. Just mentioning it at a relaxed time works best. Emphasize that it is something you can explore together and is not a replacement for what you already have. Some partners are uncertain at first and think they are failing. Give room for that reaction and figure out something together that works for both of you. A toy you use together is often a more accessible starting point than a great solo toy.

Yes definitely, and it's one of the best ways to get to know your own body better. Good to know: toys do not guarantee orgasm. Some people have difficulty reaching orgasm, with or without a toy, and some don't come with a toy. For those who want to explore, a wall-mounted vibrator or an air pressure toy are often an eye opener, as they provide more intensity than fingers or a shower head. Give yourself time, don't judge how long it takes, and use lube if you want to try something internal. If it doesn't work after a few tries, sometimes a different kind of stimulation helps. And if it doesn't work out, that's not a failure: everyone has their own body and their own rhythm. Enjoying your own body is good enough; orgasm need never be an end goal.

Bodysafe means that the material is non-porous, does not emit harmful substances and is resistant to cleaning. The safest materials are 100% medical grade silicone, glass (borosilicate), stainless steel and ABS plastic. No bacteria penetrate these and you can clean them well. What you avoid is jelly, rubber, TPE, TPR and PVC. These materials are never bodysafe for internal use: they are porous, can release phthalates and you never really get them thoroughly clean. TPE, however, is a common material for masturbators that only make contact with the outside of the penis; there is no mucous membrane contact there, so TPE is fine there. An official seal of approval for bodysafe does not exist, so always check for yourself what material was used on the product page or the brand's website.

Phthalates are plasticizers used in inexpensive plastics to make them flexible. They are often found in jelly, PVC and some TPE blends. The problem is that phthalates can be endocrine disruptors and eventually leak out of the material. In prolonged contact with mucous membranes, this is not a pleasant idea. Some phthalates in toys are banned in the EU, but sex toys are not covered by that legislation and regulation varies by category. Therefore, always choose materials that are bodysafe by themselves, such as 100% medical grade silicone, glass, stainless steel or ABS plastic.

Medical grade silicone is a pure form of silicone that is also used in medical applications, such as implants and catheters. It is 100% nonporous, hypoallergenic, heat-resistant and chemically stable. For sex toys, it is the gold standard. Note that not all "silicone" toys are 100% silicone. Some are a mixture with TPE or rubber, which makes it porous. And even the claim "medical grade silicone" on a product page is not always a guarantee, as there is no independent seal of approval verifying this for sex toys. So here you are leaning on the manufacturer's honesty.

For internal use, preferably no more. Jelly, TPR, rubber and PVC are never bodysafe: they are porous and can actively release harmful substances such as phthalates over time. A condom is not a safe solution here, as those substances can migrate through a condom to the user. The same is true for TPE when used internally. However, for external use, such as a TPE masturbator for people with a penis, the material is common and you don't have to get rid of it right away. In case of irritation, odor, a sticky surface or discoloration, it is time to say goodbye anyway. For internal toys, our advice is to choose 100% silicone, glass or metal.

Three checks. One: the product page or packaging must explicitly state "100% silicone" or "medical grade silicone." Two: the price. Real silicone under 20 euros is extremely rare. Three: the so-called flame test. Pure silicone remains stable in a flame, while rubber and TPE mixtures melt or blacken. Don't do this test indoors: other chemicals in the material release fumes you don't want to inhale. Do it only outside or in a well-ventilated area, with caution and distance. The test is destructive: you burn a piece of the material to get a definitive answer. Well-known brands we review provide clear material info anyway.

Real 100% silicone does not react with other 100% silicone, so you can safely keep them next to each other. The problem arises if one of the toys is not pure silicone but a mixture with TPE or rubber: then the surface of the other toy can become sticky, sometimes permanently. Glass, metal and ABS plastic are neutral and will do fine together, provided they don't scratch each other. The simplest solution: keep each toy in its own pouch or compartment. Most quality toys come with a storage pouch, so be sure to use that.

Almost always yes, and it makes the difference between fine and really fine. Lube has long been taboo, as if you only need it if "it's not wet enough. That's not true: lube primarily ensures that contact remains pleasurable for all parties for longer periods of time, regardless of how much moisture you produce yourself. For most toys, use water-based lubricant. This is safe with silicone, glass, metal and ABS plastic, and you simply rinse it off. Silicone lube does not combine with silicone toys: that combination can corrode the surface and render your toy unusable. In theory, you can test it in an inconspicuous spot to see if it goes well, but if it goes wrong, the damage is permanent, so we just don't do it. For anal toys, lube is really indispensable. A thicker lubricant or a special anal lubricant works better there than a thin formula. One thing we advise against is saliva as a lubricant. That can disrupt your internal flora and introduce bacteria where you'd rather not have them.

Water base is the most universal choice, safe with all materials and condoms, easy to wash off, but dries out faster and requires you to top up more often. Silicone base lasts much longer, is great for anal and bathing, but can corrode silicone toys and is harder to wash out of textiles. Oil base (such as coconut oil or special massage oil) feels very soft, but corrodes latex condoms and, for toys, is only safe on glass or metal. For most people, a good water base is the main bottle.

For anal, choose something thicker and longer gliding. A thick water base works fine, but many people prefer silicone base because it hardly dries out. Then pay attention to your toy: with silicone toys, you prefer to use water base, with glass or metal you can safely choose silicone base. A hybrid formula (water plus silicone) sounds like a compromise, but because it contains silicone it can also affect silicone toys, so be careful with it. If necessary, try a special anal lubricant with a slightly thicker consistency.

Coconut oil is often recommended as a natural alternative, and it glides wonderfully. But there are two main drawbacks. One: coconut oil corrodes latex, so don't use with latex condoms. Two: oil can upset the pH balance in a vagina, leading to infections in some people. For external or penis massage, coconut oil is fine. For internal use, we recommend a specially formulated lubricant. For a few euros per bottle, it is not a saving. If you really want oil-based, choose a specially formulated oil lubricant that is bodysafe for internal use.

Our standard rule is: don't. Silicone lube can damage the surface of silicone toys, and if it goes wrong, the damage is permanent. Some high-quality silicone toys can withstand it, but you won't see it on the outside. If you still want to try it, test on a small inconspicuous piece of the toy: for example, the top of your dildo's suction cup, or if your dildo doesn't have a suction cup, the bottom of it. Wait 24 hours; if the surface does not become sticky or dull, then it is probably safe. If in doubt, just reach for water base.

More than you think you need. A good rule: use as much as you think you need, and then a little more. Too much lube doesn't exist, too little does; it makes something uncomfortable or even painful. If you feel like it's getting dry during play, gently lubricate. With water base, you can reactivate it with a few drops of water on your fingers. Be careful with large pump bottles: they are often cheap and therefore not always bodysafe. We do not recommend them; choose a bottle from a brand whose ingredients are bodysafe for your body.

Rinse your toy immediately after use with lukewarm water. Then grab a mild, perfume-free soap or a special toy cleaner. Rub in for about 20 to 30 seconds and rinse thoroughly. Dry with a clean cloth or paper towels and let it air dry completely. Keep in mind that toys with motors cannot be held under water unless they are waterproof. Checking the manual can save you an expensive mistake. Anal toys should be cleaned thoroughly before using them anywhere else.

Only toys made of 100% silicone, glass or stainless steel without motors or electronics can be sterilized in boiling water: three to five minutes is sufficient. Never boil a toy with motor, battery or charging point, because heat destroys the electronics. The dishwasher is not recommended anyway. Dishwasher salt, rinse aid and residue from dishwasher tablets can remain on the toy and these agents are not intended for contact with mucous membranes. For toys with motors, it remains: lukewarm water plus soap or toy cleaner. When in doubt about a specific product, always check the brand's manual.

Store your toys dry, dust-free and out of direct sunlight. Many toys come with a storage pouch, and that is immediately the finest solution. If your toy does not have one, a separate storage box or a clean cloth bag will also work fine. Real 100% silicone does not react with other 100% silicone, so you can safely store them next to each other; the problem arises if one of the toys is not pure silicone but a mixture with TPE or rubber, because then the surface of the other toy can become sticky. Toys made of TPE, rubber, jelly or other non-silicone materials, plus toys with batteries or motors, keep away from heat sources. A regular drawer will work just fine. If your toy has loose batteries, take them out if you don't use it for a long time.

A good silicone toy from a quality brand will last for years. Replace it if you notice cracks, sticky spots, a strange smell or a color change. With electric toys, you usually notice it by a battery that dies quickly, a motor that weakens or a charging point that no longer picks up. Porous materials we recommend only for penis use (such as TPE masturbators); they actually always last up to a year, then replaced. When in doubt, opt for replacement. It's not a material you want to risk irritation or infection with.

For most toys, plain, mild, unscented soap is most effective. A specific toy cleaner is an option, but not necessarily necessary: it is ultimately the same principle and soap is cheaper. What you don't want to use on your toys: alcohol, strong detergents, perfume or soap with all kinds of additives. These can affect the material or cause irritation. For toys that really need to be very clean, for example when changing partners, Dettol is a good antibacterial cleaner.

Non-waterproof means: only wipe the surface and absolutely do not hold under the faucet. Make a damp cloth with lukewarm water and some mild soap or toy cleaner. Rub the toy carefully, especially on the areas that made contact with the body. Then wipe with a clean damp cloth to remove soap residue, and let it dry well before storing it. Keep the charging port and buttons dry.

After every use. Yes, even if you just "came quickly." Body fluids and lube are ideal for bacteria growth, and you don't want to find bacteria on your newest toy. If you've had it in a drawer for a while after cleaning it, a quick rinse before the next use is not a luxury. Dust and lint easily adhere to silicone.

Stickiness usually comes from silicone lubricant that has been embedded or from contact with other toys. Try a thorough wash with warm water and mild soap first, then let the toy dry open overnight. If that doesn't help and it continues to stick, then the material has probably deteriorated. A corroded silicone toy is no longer safe to use, as bacteria cling to the rough surface. Our advice then: replace it. Not ideal, but a new toy is always cheaper than an infection.

First consider whether you want to stimulate externally, internally or both. For clitoral stimulation, bullets, wands and air pressure toys are popular. For internal stimulation, choose a vibrator with G-spot curvature or a rabbit that does both at the same time. Next, consider material (bodysafe silicone remains the gold standard), motor (powerful and rumbly versus soft or buzzy) and noise level if that matters to you. Waterproof is fine if you want to play in the bath or shower. And choose something with multiple intensities, not just different patterns.

A regular vibrator stimulates through vibrations that make direct contact with the skin. An air vibrator places a silicone mouth around the clitoris and uses subtle pressure waves of air to stimulate without touching directly. For many people, this feels like oral sex and is more intense than they are used to from a Vibrator. Not everyone likes it; in fact, some people find it overwhelming. It's one of those sex toys that you really should try.

Buzzy is high-frequency and superficial, think of a vibrating telephone. Rumbly is low-frequency and growling, felt deep into the muscle. Most people find rumbly more intense and effective, especially since it also continues to vibrate through the skin. Buzzy can tease superficially just right. Cheap toys are usually buzzy, better toys have a rumbly motor. In our reviews, we always name whether a toy is buzzy or rumbly, because that says a lot about how a toy feels.

A wand is a large external vibrator with a round or rectangular head on a long stem. The Hitachi Magic Wand made the type famous. Wands are powerful and in many cases also rumbly, perfect for firm clitoral stimulation or for those who find the more subtle vibrators too soft. Also great for massage of shoulders and back, by the way. Nowadays there are also compact rechargeable versions, so you are no longer stuck with a cord.

A rabbit is a vibrator that stimulates internally and externally at the same time. The head part goes inward for G-spot stimulation, and a second arm (with "ears" or a round head) sits against the clitoris. Hence the name. When choosing, pay attention to the distance between the internal and external part, as it should fit your body.

A G-spot vibrator is an internal vibrator with an emphatic curvature designed to stimulate the anterior vaginal wall where the "G-spot" is located. Anatomically, the G-spot is probably the posterior part of the clitoral structure, so it is present in everyone. The exact spot varies from person to person: in everyone it is somewhere in the same area, but the exact location and sensitivity vary. Some people have violent orgasms from it, others hardly notice anything. Try it quietly and without performance pressure. If it doesn't work for your body, that's totally fine too.

With rechargeable toys, 60 to 120 minutes on a full battery is common, depending on the setting. On the highest setting, it drains faster. Toys with loose batteries tend to last shorter and you pay for replacements along the way. A battery that stays noticeably less full after a while is a sign that its life is coming to an end. Unfortunately, for most brands, the battery is not replaceable.

Squirting is the expulsion of fluid through the urethra during or just before an orgasm. It is not urine, although there may be traces of urine in it. Not everyone can do it and it is not a measure of "good" sex. Toys that provide intense G-spot stimulation (powerful internal vibrators or toys with thrusting function) increase the chances, but it still varies from person to person. Most important tip: put down a towel and stop thinking you have to. Forcing it never works.

For anal stimulation, always grab something with a base that is clearly wider than the rest of the toy. Otherwise, a toy can disappear where you can't get it back on its own. A drawstring doesn't count as a safe base for a bodysafe toy: it should always be a wide base. Start small, for example with a modest-sized butt plug in 100% silicone or glass. A training set with increasing sizes is useful if you want to build up slowly. If you have a prostate, there are specific prostate stimulators that hit just the right spot. Always use plenty of lubricant, as the anus does not produce its own moisture. And take your time, forcing never works.

A butt plug is a conical or drop-shaped toy that stays in the anus thanks to a narrow "neck" and a wide base. It provides a full sensation that stimulates the nerve endings around the anus. You can wear it during sex or solo, and some people find it relaxing to just have it in for a while. Buttplugs come in all sizes, materials and with or without a vibrating function. For a first time user, a small model in 100% silicone is often a fine choice.

Don't start with a toy. Start with your finger, plenty of lube and gentle breathing. If that feels good, move on to a small butt plug. Give your body time to relax, because tightening will only make it harder. Push the toy in gently, let it sit for a moment, take it out again and repeat. If you feel pain, always stop; a feeling of pressure or warmth is part of it. A training set with increasing sizes can help you build up in steps.

Small. Really small. Aim for an insertion length of 6 to 8 inches and a maximum diameter of 2 to 3 inches. Preferably 100% silicone, as it yields a bit and heats up quickly to body temperature, while glass or metal feels cooler and is harder. A tapered shape with no bulges or ridges is more comfortable for a first timer. If you prefer to go in a set, choose a training set with three ascending sizes. A tip: A toy that looks small in the picture always feels bigger on your body. Don't underestimate it.

A prostate stimulator (also called a P-spot toy) is a specially shaped toy that is curved so that the tip presses against the prostate. Some models have an external arm that simultaneously stimulates the perineum. At Tess Tesst, Jay tests all prostate toys. For some people, prostate stimulation provides a deep, undulating sensation that feels very different from a regular orgasm; others experience it more subtly or notice little to nothing.

The prostate is about 5 to 7 centimeters inward, on the abdominal side of the rectum. With anointed finger or a prostate stimulator, move toward your navel, not down. You will feel a somewhat harder, round spot about the size of a walnut. Stimulation of that spot feels different from other spots, often like a pressure point that gives a deep sensation. Many people also get the feeling of having to urinate when pressure is applied to the prostate; this is normal and not a reason to stop. It may take some time to really recognize it. Read our prostate-toy reviews for more practical first-hand tips.

Most superficial anal stimulation (finger, small butt plug, prostate toy) does not require an enema. A normal bowel movement before play, a shower and you're done. For deeper stimulation, Dildo play at longer lengths, or if you yourself like it better to be absolutely sure, some people use a light rinse with lukewarm water. Don't do that more than a few times a week and don't use harsh agents. Your gut flora would rather be left alone. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

For most people, 30 to 60 minutes is an excellent guideline. Your sphincter gets tired and may start to pull or irritate slightly if you wear it for hours. Taking it out, taking a break, reinserting is fine. Stop immediately if you feel pain, get a numb feeling or if the skin around the base irritates. Longer wearing of so-called "all-day plugs" is something for advanced users and certainly not recommended for the first time.

With anal toys with a good wide base this normally cannot happen. Should it happen with a toy without a suitable base: do not panic. Contact your doctor or the emergency room. No shame: they've seen it all before.

Bacteria from the intestines do not belong in a vagina. This increases the risk of urinary tract infections and bacterial vaginosis, so the order does matter. Our advice: vaginal first, then anal. Cleaning in between or putting on a new condom is an excellent precaution, not a must, because from vagina to anus the risk is limited. Conversely, anal to vaginal without cleaning the toy, we do really advise against it. The simplest thing to do is a separate toy for each use. A condom over the toy makes cleaning a lot faster. For nonporous materials (silicone, glass, metal), proper cleaning is effective. Porous toys we advise against anyway, even for solo use.

A masturbator (popularly called an artificial vagina or artificial pussy) is a shell that feels like skin, almost always made of TPE or a special skin-like material. You slip it over the penis and use it with lube to masturbate. The inside often has a texture (ridges, nubs, channels) that provides extra stimulation. Masturbators exist open (open on two sides, easy to clean) or closed (one-sided, more intense due to suction action). In addition to variants in vagina, vulva or anus form, gender-neutral models are also available. At Tess Tesst, Jay tests all penis-toys, so his work includes masturbators and cock rings.

Nothing, it's the same toy. Stroker is the English term, masturbator we use as the Dutch designation. On Tess Tesst we consistently choose "masturbator," but if you come across "stroker" elsewhere you know it's about the exact same category: a sheath that you slide over the penis with lube to masturbate.

A cock ring is a ring that you wear around the penis, around the scrotum, or around both. It comes in a variety of materials, such as silicone, metal, leather, rubber or fabric. By slightly slowing the flow of blood, the erection stays firmer and longer. Some cock rings have a vibrating element that stimulates a partner's clitoris during penetration. For those with a penis, a cock ring can provide a more intense experience, and for couples, a vibrating variety can be a nice addition during sex.

Cock rings come in flexible and rigid varieties, in different materials. Flexible rings (made of silicone, rubber or stretch material) can be taken off quickly if needed, and those are the safest choice for most people. Rigid rings (made of metal or hard nylon, for example) are for advanced users, because you can't take them off quickly. Keep the time under 20 to 30 minutes and take it off as soon as you feel numbness, cold penis or pain. If you have heart problems, circulatory problems or are taking medication that affects blood clotting, consult a doctor first. A cock ring works by restricting blood flow, which is nothing to be taken lightly. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; if you have complaints or doubts, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

The size of your cock ring is important: too big and nothing happens, too small and it clamps off more than is healthy. A few millimeters of clamping is enough for the effect, so "the tighter the better" is not true. How do you calculate the right size? For a flaccid penis, measure the circumference of the area you want to encircle: just your penis, or penis plus scrotum along behind your balls. Divide that circumference by 3.14, then you have the diameter. Example: circumference 17 cm divided by 3.14 is 5.4 cm, so you're looking for a ring around 52.5 mm. When erect, the slightly smaller ring then provides the desired slight clamping. With rigid cock rings (metal, hard nylon, stone), exact measurement is extra important, because they don't yield. With flexible rings (silicone, rubber, stretch) the stretch still helps if you have it just a little too big or too small. When in doubt between two sizes of a rigid ring, take the slightly larger one; circulatory problems are never worth the price.

A sleeve is a sheath you slide over the penis that adds extra size or length. Some sleeves are thick and contoured for extra stimulation of the partner, while others are longer for an extender effect. They are used by those who want to add a little more size, or for orgasm control: because the penis is sheathed, the wearer may be less likely or unable to ejaculate during penetration. Clean them thoroughly after use and always use plenty of lubricant.

For a first toy, a simple open masturbator with a neutral texture is a safe choice. Not too exotic, easy to clean, no electronics to get in the way. Cock rings are an inexpensive second entry; choose a flexible variety. For the first purchase, avoid expensive automatic toys with air pressure or thrusting. Discover what you like first, then invest in something more expensive or specific.

Yes, and in many cases a toy can actually help. A cock ring can make an erection firmer and longer, and a vibrating toy can provide extra stimulation if ejaculation is difficult. However, keep in mind that underlying causes (stress, medication, hormones, heart problems) are not solved by a toy. If symptoms persist, a conversation with your doctor or sex therapist is wise. A toy is an aid, not a treatment. Our information is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your general practitioner, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

A couples vibrator is a toy designed to be worn between both partners during penetration. The best known type is a U-shaped vibrator: one arm sits internally, the other arm against the clitoris. During penetration, both partners receive stimulation.

The toy connects via Bluetooth (short range) or via an Internet connection (long range) to an app on your phone. You can create patterns, control intensity, record your own rhythms or have the toy respond to music. With long-range toys, you can let someone else control the toy, even if that person is on the other side of the world. Always read the app's privacy policy before connecting. Not every app is as careful with your data.

Privacy is a real issue with app-operated sex toys. Some brands have been discredited in the past because their apps collected user data, could eavesdrop on conversations or had poorly secured connections. Before you buy such a sex toy: check what data is collected, whether there is end-to-end encryption on the connection, and whether you have to create an account. When in doubt, opt for a sex toy that works only via Bluetooth, because then everything stays local.

A remote sex toy is an app-operated toy where a partner is in control. You wear or use it; your partner controls patterns, intensity and rhythms through the app. The toy itself connects via Bluetooth to the phone of the person wearing it; communication between the two phones is usually over the Internet, regardless of whether you are in the same room or on the other side of the world. Some brands offer paired sets, where two toys interact. For couples in a long-distance relationship, it's a way to stay physically close, regardless of distance.

Yes, it can be done in different ways. Simplest way: you use a regular toy, your partner watches along via videocall. Or you use an app-operated sex toy and set up videocall in addition, so you see and hear each other while the partner operates the sex toy. For a smooth experience, make sure you have a reliable connection, a charged toy and a towel handy. It's a fine addition for remote partners or those who like to try something new.

BDSM is an umbrella term for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance/Submission and Sadism/Masochism. The practices it covers are diverse: from tying and thrill play to role playing, rules, rituals and fetish. BDSM can be gentle and playful (handcuffs, blindfold, light tapping) or intense and ritualistic. What is always central: voluntariness, communication, making arrangements in advance and aftercare afterwards.

Talk first, do next. Discuss what you do and don't want to try, agree on a safe word, read up on the specific practice you want to do. Start with something accessible: a blindfold, a pair of quick-release handcuffs, a light spanking. Start sober, so not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. And check each other in between: "is this okay for you".

A safe word is an agreed word that the playing partner stops immediately, without discussion. Many people use the traffic signal: green (all good), orange (pay attention, this is the limit), red (stop now). A safe word only works if both know what it means and the stopping party actually stops immediately. Choose a word you wouldn't accidentally say in a session. "No" and "stop" are therefore not useful safe words, because they can be part of the game.

A good beginner's kit includes a blindfold, a pair of handcuffs (with quick release or Velcro), a light whip or paddle made of soft material, and possibly a feather or wartenberg wheel for gentle sensation. Preferably choose soft, skin-friendly materials such as nylon, leather or soft silicone, as rigid metal handcuffs can damage the skin and pinch nerves. Avoid extreme sets with all kinds of clamps and plugs before you know what you're doing. Check out our BDSM category page for reviews of single items and sets.

The three most commonly used materials are jute, hemp and cotton. Jute and hemp are rougher, give a traditional shibari look and hold knots well. Cotton is softer but less tight, suitable for beginners. Synthetic nylon rope we do not recommend: it slips and can imperceptibly pull tighter than intended. For a first timer, cotton rope 6 to 8 millimeters thick is fine. Attend a physical workshop for basic knots first, as misplaced rope can damage nerves. Online courses are a good supplement after that, not as a starting point.

Impact play is all forms of hitting, tapping or slapping during a session. By hand, paddle, whip or cane. Safe means: only on fleshy spots like buttocks, thighs or sometimes the upper back. The spots better skipped are kidneys, spine, joints, head and neck. Build up slowly, see how the body responds, stay engaged. A heavy paddle strikes very differently than a thin whip. Always start a new material gently: tap gently first, feel how it hits and how your partner responds, and only then gradually increase the force. Good aftercare after impact play is an important part of practice, possibly supplemented by wound care if there are wounds.

Aftercare is caring for each other after a session. Right after: cuddling, drinking water, being quiet together, grabbing a blanket, possibly eating something. With intense BDSM sessions, a "drop" can occur: a dip in mood due to the cocktail of hormones the body released during play. That drop can also come a day later, so aftercare is not just for the moment immediately after; it can quietly take several days. As play partners, discuss in advance where your needs lie, for both top and bottom. Some people prefer to be alone for a while, others very close.

Self-bondage is possible, but the risk is higher than with a partner. No knots you can't untie yourself, no hanging, nothing around your neck. Always keep scissors within reach and a second escape plan. Tell someone you are going into self bondage and check in at a pre-arranged time. Avoid combinations with respiratory restraint, as that is where accidents most often go wrong. Start light and build up very slowly.

It can be fine. Some people actually like it because orgasms can relieve menstrual cramps. Practicality: put down a towel, prefer to use toys made of glass, metal or 100% silicone because they are easy to clean, and possibly take out your tampon for internal stimulation. If you have a menstrual cup, it can remain in place during external stimulation. Above all, make sure to clean extra thoroughly after use. Our information is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, midwife, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

With a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy, this is usually fine, even internally. Avoid very intense penetration, keep everything bodysafe and use water-based lubricant. With increased risk, breech placement, previous miscarriages, ruptured membranes or advice from your midwife not to have sex, the same applies to toys. If you get any questions or doubts, discuss it with your obstetrician or gynecologist. They give personal advice, we don't. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; if you have complaints or doubts, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, midwife, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

The usual guideline is to wait until after the follow-up checkup with the obstetrician (usually around six weeks after delivery), so that any tears, stitches or the wounds from a cesarean section have healed properly. External stimulation can often be done earlier, provided it is not painful. Keep in mind that the body needs time after childbirth. Dryness due to hormones, tenderness and fatigue come into play. No rush, bring lube and listen to your body. When in doubt, always ask your midwife or doctor. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

Yes, for many people it does. During and after menopause, the body produces less estrogen, which can make the vagina drier and more sensitive. A good water-based lubricant is then essential. Some people find that regular stimulation with a Vibrator helps maintain sensitivity; hard scientific evidence for this is limited, so consider it more an experience than a proven treatment. Special dilators are used in medical practice when penetration has become painful. If symptoms persist, a discussion with a general practitioner or sexologist may be helpful. Sometimes local hormone treatment is part of the solution. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

Vibrators and special dilators can be part of a treatment path for vaginismus. The idea is to train the body to relax around increasing dimensions, at your own pace. It works best with a sex therapist or pelvic physical therapist because the muscle and stress components are often intertwined. Don't experiment on your own if the pain is significant. Seek professional guidance. Toys then are a tool, not a treatment in themselves. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; if you have complaints or doubts, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

Many medications can increase the threshold for getting ready. Antidepressants such as SSRIs are a well-known one, but blood pressure reducers, antihistamines and some other drugs can also have that effect. Stopping the medication is usually not an option, but there are things that can help. More or more intense stimulation can make a difference: for example, for vulva owners, a wall or air pressure toy; for penis owners, a vibrating toy or a masturbator with more texture. Give yourself and your partner time; performance pressure usually just makes it harder. If it really doesn't work, discuss it with the prescribing doctor: sometimes a dose adjustment or another remedy is possible. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

It can. Latex allergies are the best known, but reactions to perfumes, parabens, glycerin or certain plastics also occur. Symptoms: itching, redness, burning, irritation up to a day after use. When in doubt, test a new lubricant on the inside of your wrist first. For toys: always choose a nonporous, hypoallergenic material such as 100% silicone. In case of persistent symptoms or a severe reaction, see your doctor. Sometimes there is an underlying cause such as bacterial vaginosis. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

There is no general answer to this. It depends on the type of surgery or condition, your recovery and any restrictions your doctor gives. With heart problems, circulatory disorders, recent pelvic surgery or medication that affects bleeding, caution is in order. Ask your attending physician or pelvic physical therapist. We are happy to give practical advice on toys, but medical decisions remain with you and your doctor. Sometimes an adjustment in choice or technique is the solution. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

Yes, it can. A toy that has been in contact with bodily fluids and then used by someone else without cleaning can transmit STIs. You can also disturb your flora from vagina to anus or vice versa within 1 person. The solution: condoms over the toy when changing between partners or between body openings, and thoroughly clean or sterilize between sessions. We don't recommend porous toys anyway, because you can't get them 100% clean and they can leak harmful substances that also migrate through a condom. Non-porous toys (silicone, glass, metal) are safe though, if properly cleaned. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; in case of complaints or doubt, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

With a correctly placed IUD, you can use vibrators and Dildos as normal, including internally. The IUD is in the uterus and not in the vagina, so a toy does not touch it. What you can feel is the string of the IUD hanging in the vagina. With intense penetration or a toy with thrusting, the string can irritate. If you feel the IUD yourself, or are in pain, visit your doctor or gynecologist to have the placement checked. Do not sit and pull the string yourself. Our info is general and not a substitute for medical advice; if you have complaints or doubts, always refer your question to a medical professional such as your family doctor, obstetrician, gynecologist, sexologist or pelvic physiotherapist.

Almost all Dutch web shops in this segment deliver neutrally and discreetly. There is no brand or product description on the box, only an address sticker and a sender who reveals nothing. The box is often an ordinary brown or white cardboard package. So for delivery via a parcel service, you don't have to worry about the neighbor finding out what's inside. If you want extra security, choose pickup at a collection point.

Most shops use a neutral company name on the statement, not the store name. For example, the official BV name without any reference to the contents of the package. If you are in doubt, serious shops have it in the FAQ of the shop itself, or you can ask it in a chat before you checkout. With some brands you do see the name of the shop on the statement, so always check it if that is important to you.

The legal 14-day cooling-off period applies to sex toys only if the hygiene seal has not been broken. If you have opened the packaging, then the right of withdrawal usually expires for hygiene reasons. With an unopened box you can simply return as with any other product. With a defective toy you are entitled to replacement or money back under warranty. Therefore, always keep your proof of purchase and the original packaging. There can be small differences per webshop, so check the return conditions before you order.

The legal warranty in the Netherlands is that a product must meet what you can reasonably expect from the product. For a 100 euro toy, this is a longer period than for a 20 euro toy. Many quality brands provide an additional manufacturer's warranty of 1 to 5 years, sometimes even lifetime for specific series. Keep your receipt and always return it to the webshop in case of a defect. Direct contact with the brand sometimes works too, especially with international brands.

A specialized shop has staff who know the range, provides extensive product information, delivers in carefully packed boxes, and often offers better warranty and service. At a marketplace or regular shop you are sometimes stuck with a provider who is not knowledgeable, with questionable materials and no after-service. For toys, lube and lingerie, we strongly recommend buying from a specialized shop. Our partners are all hand-picked, which saves you doing your own research.

Completely anonymous is difficult because you need a delivery address and payment method. But you can order discreetly. Use a delivery point or mailbox package if you don't want to receive it at home. Pay by a method that shows the neutral company name on your statement. A separate e-mail address for these types of orders helps keep mailings separate. For most people, the standard discreet delivery methods are sufficient, but there are additional steps if you want more privacy.

We work together with a fixed group of Dutch and international partners whom we have trusted for years on quality, delivery and service. In every review and on the offers page we link directly to the partner where you can buy the product discussed most economically and reliably. Do you have a question about your order, delivery, return or warranty? Then please contact the partner's customer service directly:

• Easytoys
• Sinful
• Willie
• Loveware
• Tenga
• Motsutoys
• Lovense
• HiSmith
• E-Stim
• Electrastim
• Aneros
• Meo

Three things weigh most heavily: assortment, delivery and aftercare. A good shop will have the brand you want, deliver within a reasonable time, and help you if something is wrong. Reading reviews in independent places (like our site) often says more than reviews on the shop itself. Also pay attention to the price range. A brand that is more expensive everywhere may not have a Dutch branch so you have to ship internationally in case of a return. Our partners are all Dutch or EU based shops with good service.

Tess and Jay are the two reviewers behind Tess Tesst. Tess generally tests toys for the vulva and vagina, such as clitoral stimulators, wands, G-spot vibrators and internal toys. Jay tests all toys for the penis and prostate, including masturbators, cock rings, sleeves and prostate stimulators, and has also written an extensive lubricant guide. We both write in first person and all our reviews are objective and honest. Eight years ago we started small, now we are the largest Dutch review and education site in this segment.

Every toy we test thoroughly on every aspect we can think of, in different circumstances. We write honestly what works well and what doesn't, even with brands we work with. If a toy disappoints us, you'll read that honestly in our review, and we don't adjust that opinion. We don't let ourselves be swayed by what a brand wants to read. Our reviews will not change upon request.

No. We earn through affiliate links with our partners, so if you buy something through our site we get a commission. A brand may send us a toy to review, and sometimes we receive payment for the review itself. Our judgment is never affected by that; payment or not, what we write remains our honest experience. We write equally critical reviews on toys from brands we've worked with for years. Independence is literally the foundation of the site for us, because without it, a review is worthless.

Tess Tesst has been around since 2018. What started as a small site with loose reviews has grown into the largest Dutch review and education site in this segment, with now more than 1,700 published pieces on toys, lingerie, BDSM, lubricant and sex education. We keep adding to it every week, updating old reviews and exploring new categories. We still write the way we started: personal, honest and no-fuss.

No, and we deliberately don't. A score is always a value judgment that does not apply to everyone in the same way. What is a topper for us may be disappointing for you with a different body or different preferences, and vice versa. That is why we write in detail per review what we experienced, what struck us, for whom the toy works well in our eyes and for whom it does not, and what we encountered. That way you get much more information than with a number and you can decide for yourself whether the toy suits you.

Most of the toys stay with us to be compared occasionally for a new review. Toys that are not satisfactory or that we no longer use are disposed of in an environmentally conscious way through specialist processing, because electronics with battery do not belong in the residual waste. Some toys are returned to the brand if agreed. Gift promotions through the site may occur for toys that are still unused, but that is an exception, not the rule.

Yes. Brands that want their toy tested by us can contact us through our collaboration page. We assess whether the product and the brand fit what we do. If approved, we get a sample, test it according to our normal practice and publish an independent review. We never promise a favorable opinion in advance and the brand does not read the piece in advance. If a brand does not fit or the material is not bodysafe, we kindly say no.

Weekly. Every week we publish new reviews, educational articles and updates on the deals page. In addition, we update older pieces as brands release new versions or prices change. If you don't want to miss anything, keep an eye on our homepage or follow us on our social channels. For the real fans, the deals page is fresh weekly, with the sharpest deals from our partners.

This happens in every relationship from time to time and is not a disaster. What one likes, the other may not necessarily like, and vice versa. Sometimes it's a matter of getting used to something new, sometimes it's simply not a preference. Both is OK. For toys that you like but your partner doesn't: a solo session is a great solution. For toys where you differ in what feels fine: try it step by step and discuss in between what works and what doesn't. Not everything has to be together and not everything has to be liked by the other, but make sure the choices are comfortable for both of you.

No, not if you use a bodysafe toy and listen to your body. A toy is a tool, similar to good headphones for music. Some people are afraid that they get used to intense stimulation and then won't cum any other way. In practice, this rarely happens, and if it does feel that way, it is usually temporary and easily reversed by seeking a different form of stimulation from time to time. Pain, irritation or prolonged numbness are signals to take a break or try another toy, though.